Anonymous one-liners

* I always mean what I say but I don't always say what I mean.
* I don't have an attitude problem: you have a perception problem!
* I don't need your attitude, I have one of my own!
* I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it!
* I have the body of a god. Specifically, Buddha.
* I know very well that beauty is empty. But I want it anyway.
* I may look stupid but dont let it it foool you i is smmart.
* I only made one mistake in my life; that's when I thought I was wrong.
* I'm not as think as you drunk I am.
* I was born intelligent. But, education ruined me.
* I wasn’t always this fat – blame it on inflation.
* I would insult you, but you're not bright enough.
* I'm in shape. Round is a shape.
* In God we trust. The rest must pay cash. (US Depression saying.)
* If a man speaks in a forest, but no woman is around to hear him, is he still wrong?
* If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
* If at first you don't succeed, look in the trash for the instructions.
* If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving's not for you!
* If I'm going down I'm taking somebody with me.
* If the left half of the brain controls the right hand, and the right half the left, then left-handed people are the only ones in their right minds.
* If the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
* If you can't appreciate it, you don't deserve it.
* If you can't convince, confuse!
* If you don't know where your going you'll never get there.
* If you think the impossible, the incredible can come true.
* If you're dumb don't talk so you can at least seem smart. Till you forget and say something stupid.
* If it looks like there's nothing to worry about, that's when you really have to worry.
* If you always tell the truth, you never have to rely on your memory.
* It always feels better to walk on the path you made yourself.
* It's not the size of the dog in the fight; it's the size of the fight in the dog.
* It's often not what we say that hurts, but what we don't say.
* It's only funny until someone gets hurt... Then it's hilarious.
* I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
* If you're in control, you're not driving fast enough...

* I have the body of a god. Specifically, Buddha * ha ha thats me.

* If the left half of the brain controls the right hand, and the right half the left, then left-handed people are the only ones in their right minds * I'm still trying to work this one out.

* If you always tell the truth, you never have to rely on your memory * I do this all the time, its an age thing

Thanks for the laugh Linda.